Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My broken spirit

I just spent my wedding anniversary in the ER with my son and husband. He woke up with a fever of 106.7. Seems to be an upper respiratory infection. To top it off, I went to a toy store to get a few more gifts for Andy's second birthday, and was handed some thoughtless comments by the cashier. She asked how old the kid was that I was buying for, I said "two". She said, "oh, this stuff looks like what you'd get for a real little kid, like a baby". I didn't feel the need to explain my sons 9-12 month status, and just said "oh, okay" paid and left. If I wanted to be a b!tch, I could have made her feel bad, but I didn't have the energy. I just don't care right now. People say crazy stuff all the time, it is just par for this course. A course which I'd like to run her over with a golf cart on.

Lately, when I look at myself, I feel my spirit is broken. Even around the other preschool moms, they are all so cheery, and I am dreary. I feel I would be a totally different person if andy was running around playing just like all the other kids siblings do. Then I could stand around and happily chatter with everyone, and not worry about racing off to the next therapy appointment right after. I love Andy so much, it has really changed me. I just don't fit in right now, with normal parents. It's hard to relate to my sisters or anyone without special needs kids. It is just a completely different world. Priorities are way different, everything is different.

No comments:

Post a Comment