Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Headed for derailment

We celebrated Andy's second birthday today, but he was in a "it's my party, I can cry if I want to" kind of a mood. ALL day. It's to be expected after yesterday's ER visit for a fever of almost 107. Another terribly bad day, yet again. I was hoping his birthday would go okay, but Andy isn't paying attention to the calendar. Oh, how I need a long break, not just two hours, how about two days??? 

So, I thought I was doing well as a parent. I've been getting Andy to all his therapy visits, to school, and to extracurricular activities. I've been on autopilot. I was feeling proud of myself for getting everything accomplished and treading water with house work. However, when Andy's pediatrician saw me a few days ago, she said I wasn't looking well. She asked if I had lost weight, and mentioned that I need to take better care of myself. She suggested that I can't take good care of the kids, if I couldn't take care of myself. I didn't get too shaken up by the comments, because I feel she may be somewhat right. 

So maybe she's onto something, I have been lightheaded and overtired. Before this train jumps the track, I have to take a better look at how I'm treating myself. Just because I'm keeping all of our appointments, doesn't mean I am taking good care of myself. It doesn't reflect that at all. My appearance and mental state, is what reflects that. I've been emotional, not happy, not cheery, and everything else that comes with caring for a special needs child. It's draining me, I know that. 

So, I am looking forward to slowing down for the summer. School will be done, no more home visits, and will probably slow down on the private visits. The kids recreational classes will be over in mid june, and we will just go do things as we feel we can. I am not going to over schedule myself, I need to take it easy for the summer, to get myself "back on track".

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