The caseworker came today

I called our county mental health department to ask for help with my son's constant crying last week. The caseworker came today and met me and Andy. I cried a bit when asked how I'm dealing with all this. Andy cried a bit too, in spurts. He watched Dora the Explorer, and Yo Gabba Gabba to keep calm. It worked a little.

The visit took two hours. I had to hand over copies of financial documents, and medical documents and tell of my struggles with Andy. I think the caseworker could see that I was struggling to hold it all together. I was genuinely having a hard time, and it came across.

They are supposed to provide a respite coordinator within 14 days. Then we should be able to start receiving weekly help with Andy. We will have to pay for the help, but that's okay for now, I just need the help.

I've hit my limit

I was finally pushed over the edge with constant crying and contacted the local health department to ask for help obtaining respite care. It isn't something that's easy to find online. Respite care, would be having a government worker come to my house once or twice a week, to help look after Andy.

Andy's doctor and social worker kept asking me if I had contacted them yet. I just wasn't compelled to pull the trigger yet. I kept thinking I would do it someday, and the day finally came. I just let Andy lie there and cry on the floor, while I made the call. The woman could hear his blood curdling screams, and she said they could come to the house in a week to "screen him".

They have to meet Andy in person to see how much work he really is. How bad off am I? How stressed does Andy make me? I've got to show them and state our case. Then we can pay a worker to come over for a couple hours here and there to help entertain him.

I just can't bear the full brunt of Andy's needs right now. It's worn me too thin. My fuse is gone. I'm calling my mom and mother-in-law as soon as he's been nonstop crying, and asking them to take him. I drop him off and take off myself. I have to right now. I'm just trying to stay sane.